One Step At a Time

I sit a lot. I walk some. I think constantly. When I'm coherent, sometimes I'm able to write what I'm thinking about in a way that helps others. I've been thinking about all the things I've had to do the last month that I never had to do before in my life. I imagine anyone who has had cancer may have gone through some of the same things.

I needed to say out loud to someone "I have breast cancer" Not "I have some health issues, or I've got a medical problem, or I'm going to be out." I had to say "I have cancer," and that was more difficult than I thought it would be.

Then there is the reaction. What do people do with that information. It scares the mess out of most people, unless they've had cancer and are on the other side - Then they hug you. For most, the first inclination is to say "I'm so sorry." Nothing wrong with that, but then what?

If you can take it, don't let a friend hold it in. Help her face it, but know it's a personal internal battle that requires REAL support, not just a cheerleader on the side. You gotta get in the game and be willing to battle and get dirty. Help her plan and anticipate all the things that will not be normal, but keep her from stressing out over them. That's what so many have done for me. Help her practice saying "I have cancer." Listen as she tells her story, don't pry - but don't be shocked either.

As I've walked this path, I've become more aware of what friends do. I've seen amazing warriors fighting with not just me but other friends. One friend took weeks off of work just to be there for a friend. A group of friends made custom jewelry and sold it online and at parties for a friend. One of other my friends took a fighter who is nearing the end on the trip of a lifetime - sacrificing her money and her time. One friend wrote a check for $1,000 to pay a medical bill. That's not sideline cheerleading. - That's in the game. And those gestures make a HUGE difference. And often, the people who step up to help tell no one. That is bearing one another's burdens (Galations 6:2) and it's beutiful illustration of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 That starts by saying "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up."

So as I go through this journey, I am taking it one step at a time. Everything hasn't been flawless, but it's all good. Currently, I'm learning how to say "Yes, I need help," and I'm thankful for the positive response. When someone says, "let me know if you need anything" instead of the usual "OK, I will" I'm practicing responding with very specific requests. It's hard and humbling. People told me this would happen. I'm learning.